You know how it goes; you meet someone, fancy them like crazy, haven’t had a boyfriend for what seems like centuries and one thing leads to another. Sometimes it happens over quite a long time and sometimes things move so fast you're still not sure who he is. Before you know it you’re in a relationship unsure of what you might have in common or whether you’ll like each other when the lust dies down.

Whether through dating sites Facebook or Bebo, the Internet seems the obvious way forward and is fast becoming the most popular way to make new friends. Some years ago I decided to go for it tool. I thought it would help me work out who was on my level and maybe eliminate some of those attractive but oh-so-dangerous guys before I met them in the flesh. Online dating would, I thought, provide a way to engage my brain before my glands kicked in. Sadly I soon learned that it’s not that simple and that there’s a whole host of hurdles to navigate from the start.

Most of the people I met were online and looking either from a sense of curiosity or out of a genuine desire to find some kind of relationship. But a dating site works like a cyber sweet shop and it’s important to understand the way the people react in an environment that could be as new to them as it is to you. Like children, some are simply paralysed by choice. Others act like butterflies, briefly flitting into people’s lives and then out again, always searching for an elusive ‘chemistry’ without giving it (or a relationship) a chance. The former talk a good story (they should, they’ve had practice) but do little more than chat and it's not immediately clear who they are. Exclusively online based friendships are fine for those who have made that choice, but it's important to be aware that online socialising can take up the time and energy you might otherwise use to meet people in real life.

For many the apparent availability of potential partners is far too seductive. It’s easy to date several people at the same time, there’s no sense of guilt and little need or desire to try a monogamous relationship. The wealth of profiles to access means it's easy to become complacent and some lose the incentive to work at getting to know one person when there are so many more potential dates just around the proverbial corner. For others the reverse is true. The first person to date – or even email - them more than two or three times becomes their serious partner by default. Whether this lack of discrimination is laziness, a pragmatic reaction to an apparent wealth of choice or a result of low self esteem, the result is the same, causing a rush to date Internet Virgins ‘just in case’.

Many people start out saying they want to find 'the one', start a relationship or look for a potential life partner, but get carried away by the opportunity. It can seem too easy and feel like too much hassle to consider more than ‘the now’. Some still believe it’s original and amusing to declare internet dating as a hobby. Honesty is good but if you're looking for just one partner such joking should leave you cold. Whether through laziness, habit or a strange feeling of inadequacy, others find it so much easier to meet people and make friends online that they've given up on real life meetings entirely. They live a remote, surreal kind of life with virtual encounters, conversations and sex on the net. Finally there are those who really are looking for a significant other or long term friend.

A few lucky couples may well have discovered the partners of their dreams after chatting online, exchanging a few text messages and meeting only once but for most of us real life doesn’t work like that. Embryonic online relationships almost always feel more intense, focussed and exciting than if they had happened face to face. The medium, the way we communicate and our natural inclination to project our own interpretations onto the written words of others are not kept in check by non-verbal feedback as they are when we're able to see each other. That's why some believe they’re in love after a few exchanged emails and a flurry of texts. Many expect their potential partner to tick all the boxes in a demanding checklist. They can’t or won’t believe this person doesn’t exist and feel safer sticking to a theoretical ideal rather than trying a relationship with someone they’ve met.

The breadth of choice and the number of others who appear interested can also change a person's sense of reality and the way they value themselves. It takes a while to understand that an initial approach never means commitment and may come from vague interest as opposed to desire.

I've been told of meetings where people seem to be getting on really well until one just ups and leaves! It goes to show that even those who have no specific list of requirements often expect to launch into a full-blown relationship without any work at all. When such things happen it’s easy to become disillusioned and forget that statistics show that successful internet daters meet at least 40 individuals before finding a good match. Then again, even when it happens, love at first sight doesn’t always result in the ideal relationship. That may be why some are happy to settle for Mr Right Now if they don't think they're with Mr Right.

Another huge influence on dating site behaviour is a result of objectivity (or lack of it) in its population. You can't present an honest profile if you don't know yourself. Even if you do, if you’re uncomfortable with selling yourself or with the written word it might come out all wrong. How can we read a new dating profile in the spirit it was written when we’ve been given no clues as to how to start? It’s all to easy to see reflections of our own passions, desires and fears when they weren’t intended. That can lead to horrendous disappointments when two people finally meet.

Netiquette is different according to the site you're on and the types you're trying to attract or avoid. Some people say straight away that they're not interested in casual sex. Others are less direct. In general, if someone has been on a site for quite a while and doesn’t talk about relationships or fidelity there's probably a reason. But sometimes there is not.

Young children may be paralysed by the choice in a sweet shop, but as adults we know that too many aren't healthy. We’ve discovered that some of the tastiest confections come in the strangest packaging and that it’s healthier to savour a few than gorge, barely tasting the many. Can we apply the rule to internet dating? I believe so. Try it and see.